Very tired and am not sure how long today's blog will actually be.
Today was an enormous day in the history of Westminster Presbyterian Church in Tiburon. Doug Huneke has officially retired as head pastor and now the future of the church is marked with a combination of positive hope and uncertainty. The Transition Committee did a fabulous job as did Randy Huyser, Bruce Nelson, and Carla Lantier in putting everything together for the reception immediately following the packed service which consisted of thousands of finger sandwiches, cookies, and lemonade. A meet-and-greet line that formed to bless and wish Doug and his wife Nancy farewell must have been in place for well over an hour. Between the community retirement dinner and today[s extravaganza, I took well over a hundred pictures marking this huge milestone event that you can find published on Facebook.
At the reception today, I discussed my desire to step it up a notch in more of a leadership role with both Randy and Julie Roby and ways to go about doing that. I would like to eventually become a Deacon, but need to see if this will be realistic. The Deacon position is a serious, long-term one, and if I should plan to begin graduate school in a couple years and need to relocate outside of the Bay Area, I need to assess what's more important to me. I am also starting to ponder whether I will decide to end my membership tenure at Westminster when Interim Head Pastor Barbara Rowe retires in two years. Barb leaving will be much harder for me than Doug's retirement because I have known Barb for thirty years and she was the official reason I came to Westminster. I don't know if staying at Westminster would be the same with Barb's absence as well as that of Bethany Nelson (director of youth ministry) who I look up to for both personal and pastorale support.
I have great difficulty with separation loss as I think some of us do; but it affects me more intensely. The changes going on in the church feel unsettling to me because of the consistency in the way things have been since I joined two-and-a-half years ago. Dealing with Barb's retirement is going to be twice as difficult for me as Doug's was and I strongly suspect that she will announce her retirement six months to a year after the new head pastor has arrived on duty. And since I would not have originally joined Westminster if it weren't for Barb, how do I look at this prism of change at WPC comfortably if she were to be absent as well?
In other news, I am pleased to find out that I will be given another placement with COTS and am scheduled to attend the next advanced supervision seminar this coming Friday, November 4th. I'm glad my internship supervisor is willing to continue to work with me.
Things in my personal life remain at a stand still. I did not talk with my friend Amber at all today. I sent her a pretty intense e-mail yesterday, voicing my yearnings, fears, and anxieties. Hopefully she'll respond okay and know that this is simply a part of who I am. Part of me is falling rather quickly for her while another part of me is trying to hold back, remain detached and subdued, and just go with the flow. There is a part of me that doesn't know how often I should be communicating with her. If I don't contact her for several days, how will she interpret that? Should I wait for her to text me? Will she send an uncomfortable e-mail back? Is she not checking Daily Strength or her e-mail because she senses and fears I'll be there with intense meanderings translating into no more than my anxieties about the unknown future of this friendship. There is a part of me that doesn't want her to experiece any more painful setnacks in her life while the other part of me feels that when she gets like this, it leads her to lean on me more and contact me because she knows I'm here. Yes, she's trying to move forward with her life and what's happened is now water under the bridge; but I can't help but wonder what her level of emotional residue is that may still exist. I won't go into those details which are her's because they are private. (If she should ever friend me on Facebook and read these entries, I would want her to realize how much I truly, deeply care for her and for her to also know that I wasn't crossing a boundary line by being indiscreet.) With tomorrow being Halloween, I'm hoping she'll call or text me after work sometime tomorrow night. I miss her incredibly. I wish Amber would have me come down to spend the weekend with her in the South Bay this coming weekend. I am praying for her health and happiness at this moment, and that she gets enough sleep so that she doesn't have to end up sleeping on her lunch break at work. But I want to see her soon. I want to experience getting to exchange a big hug from her and to cuddle with her again. I wish I knew what was weighing on Amber's mind and heart tonight.